Family Systems and Functions (the nitty gritty)

 This week has been a big eye-opener. I have learned many fascinating things about relationships within the family! Did you know that within the family there are systems set in place? These may look like certain family rules (whether spoken or unspoken), boundaries, and roles. I'll give some examples to help explain! 

Rules: Every family has its rules, whether the rule is a curfew, certain house rules in a favorite family game, or something in regards to leftovers. There was an unspoken rule in my family that was if you wanted left-overs you needed to put your name on the food in order to guarantee round two of a favorite meal. However, this rule was not always perfect. There were often times even if you did put your name on the food (via sticky note, sharpie, or another sort of graffiti of some kind) it was overlooked (honestly miraculously because you covered that food in your name since you REALLY wanted those left-overs) and eaten (usually by one of the older siblings). Another outside factor was my Dad. You knew that if he found your left-overs there was a good chance they would be gone whether he knew they were yours or not. And there was absolutely no reason good enough to be upset with my Dad when it was in regards to leftovers so you could kiss that yummy food goodbye without even a small chance of vengeance. That's why we also got good at hiding the leftovers in a secret spot in the fridge that wasn't as easily seen when opening the fridge. There was quite a lot of strategy to get leftovers is what I'm saying. As silly as all of this sounds this was just one of those unspoken (occasionally spoken) rules in my home growing up. 

Boundaries: There are boundaries that exist in each family. Boundaries look different based on individual families (even within closer relationships like extended families). These boundaries are between relationships within the family. They can dictate who is in charge (whether parents or children). Some families have very open boundaries where the parents allow the kids to do just about whatever they like without much consequences on the table for their actions. Other families have very rigid boundaries that set clear expectations of what is allowed and what is not within the family. They can determine whether a relationship between a parent and a child is closer than between both parents. It can determine who is allowed to be involved with certain family matters, etc. In my own family, there are some clear boundaries that my parents work together as a team and that they make most decisions. They are also open enough though to take input from my siblings and I about certain matters (especially now that we are older). It really is dependent upon each unique family about relationships and the roles we play and the rules that are set up due to these boundaries. 

Roles: In each family, there may be a variety of roles the family members play in order to keep the family system up and going. Family members will most likely have more than just one role as well. Some of the roles I have observed both in my family and in others are the roles of peacemaker, comic relief (family goof), leader (the one that is in charge and calls most of the shots in some scenarios), cheerleader, nurturer, provider, protector, sympathizer, listener, trouble-maker, etc. The list can go on and on. In my own family, every person has one of these roles. Sometimes there is more than one person with the same role. 

Each of these different things makes up the system of the family. Without this system, families may fall apart. There are times when the system undergoes a change whether out of necessity or by a sudden change within the family. During these situations, families adapt and learn to set up a new system or alter it a little so it continues. This could be the result of a death in the family, a divorce, or other extenuating circumstances like job loss or illness. What amazes me about it all is that this is something that has existed from the beginning of time and is a natural part of most families. 

I am continually astounded by the intricate details of families. I have loved what I have learned so far and am excited for more learning and knowledge ahead! 

Thanks to those who have followed me on this journey so far! I look forward to updating y'all next week!

- Olivia