Divorce, New Families, and New Chapters

 Growing up there has always seemed to be a fear of divorce. Whether between my parents or for my friends or other family members or for my future self, it has been something that has worried me. For a time I was seriously worried my parents would split up. There had been some challenging situations that came up in my family where my parents were experiencing more tension in their marriage. This really troubled me because I had seen some negative sides of divorce from friends that had divorced parents and other family members that had been divorced. This is a reality for many families. 

Studies have shown that about two years after a couple of divorces, many of them regret it. They say that there could have been things that they worked out and that they wished they had tried to fix the marriage. Many couples at the time think that there is nothing that they can do to salvage their marriage when they come across challenges. At the moment divorce may seem like the only option to solve the challenges, but there are more solutions oftentimes waiting to be explored. Though there are situations where divorce is the best thing for that relationship. 

Another challenge that can occur after a divorce is when there were kids involved and that introduces possible custody issues between the parents. A step further than that is if one of the parents gets remarried either to someone with no kids or someone who also has kids. Both situations can be trying on those involved. There can be rifts between children and their step-parents or between children and their parents that they no longer live with or see often. 

Some of the things parents can do in these particular kinds of situations are to be sensitive to their children and their needs and their new relationship with their step-parents (and siblings if applicable). It can be difficult for a child to immediately see their step-parent as an actual parent and so something that is recommended is that the step-parent behaves more like an awesome aunt or uncle for the child. This allows a period of adjustment for the child. The couple should work together as parents but the biological parent at first should be the one to execute the parenting after it has been counseled with their spouse. This helps maintain a level of normality. It takes about two years before a new normality can be established typically. It is also good to be aware of the emotions and feelings of family members while events like these are taking place. Keeping up good relationships with family members is key to getting through some of these difficult life experiences. 

Over the past fourteen weeks, I have learned a lot about the family. The things I have learned have been very beneficial for relationships I have currently with my family and with relationships, I will have in the future. I have seen as I have applied the things from my class I’ve learned to my life and my relationships they have begun to improve. For instance, while learning about good communication skills I was at the time in a fight with one of my family members. Learning about those skills helped me be able to mend some aspects of the relationship that had been challenging. In another situation, we had just learned about the Relationship Attachment Model and I started dating someone not long after that. I was thankful for the information I had been taught because it helped me as I started the relationship, it gave me a guide to follow. The information I have learned has been invaluable to me. It is something I will take with me for the rest of my life.