The Trouble with Dating

 Have you ever felt that dating during this time of life can be the worst? That thought has crossed my mind too many times personally! Why is it like that? When you are young you dream about being able to go on dates with someone special and having that perfect and romantic night together. Then when you arrive at the real world you realize that the ideal you had is just that, an ideal and it couldn't be farther from the truth about what dating is for the majority of us. 

There are many things that factor into why dating is such a challenge in today's world. One of the biggest factors I have seen in my own personal dating life (as well as that of many friends and acquaintances) is pressure. There is so much pressure centered around dating. Dating used to be something that was much more casual and frankly normal. We have made dating out to be this huge deal so that it hinders anyone from really wanting to take a step into the dating world. Because of that, we result in what our world calls the hangout. When hanging out two people (who are potentially romantically interested in one another) spend lots of time together either doing nothing or doing things that don't allow those involved to really get to know one another. Because of this, it shows a lack of commitment and respect for each individual. A lack of commitment and respect for the other person can easily turn into selfish desires and behaviors. This is not very becoming of anyone involved. Yet this is a very common practice. It seems to be out with the traditional dating and in with the new anything goes hangout. Encouraging? I think not. 

So the real question is what can we do to end this madness of pressure leading to settling and to bring in the culture of casual yet committed dating? One of the quickest ways to bring this about would be to actually start going on dates! And lots of them! When you start to normalize going on dates with a variety of people, you begin to eliminate the pressure of finding someone to have a relationship with and you start to focus on making friendships and just getting to know other people your age! This really is when the fun begins! Those dreams you had can start becoming a reality. However, sometimes (usually every time) this requires that you put yourself in some initially awkward or uncomfortable situations. 

While I am someone who desperately hates being uncomfortable (don't we all?!) I have found that in the grand scheme of things being uncomfortable for a short amount of time is worth it when you meet someone you actually really enjoy being with. The same thing goes for communicating with others. There are many conversations I'm sure we would all love to avoid having just because of the sheer awkwardness about them. But I'd say 9 times out of 10 both parties are relieved an uncomfortable conversation happened because then they get to avoid the never-ending game of guessing what's going on inside someone else's head. What most people also find out in actually having those difficult conversations is that others think just like they do! Many people would much rather have those they interact with closely, be honest about their feelings. It prevents a lot of confusion and a lot of brainpower trying to figure out what is going on! All in all, it's a win-win for a short time of awkwardness. So put yourself out there and be vulnerable! The reward is much higher than the risk!

Many times we take ourselves and others too seriously! So if dating is something that stresses you out, take a step back and look at it with a detached and outside perspective, you may find some enlightenment about how to proceed or you may find some humor in it at the very least! This again allows for the normalization of dating. 

As we all start this journey of normalizing dating we will find it can once again be as enjoyable and fun as our parents say it used to be! Though we have to work with different challenges than our parents did in regards to dating (i.e. dating through COVID-19/ online dating, etc.) it is still fundamentally the same! Go out with lots of people! Get to know others (and yourself), and remember to have fun and not take it too seriously! If we do this we can find that magic that dating can provide!

Alright, I am stepping off my soap-box! Until next time!

- Olivia 

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