Parenting Hacks

Parenthood is not an easy task. There can be many challenges associated with being a parent. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication. There are many bumps in the road to learning how to parent, and to make it even more difficult sometimes each child needs a different parenting style. But regardless there are certain specific needs that each child and teenager needs. These needs are defined by a man named Popkin. 

The first need is the need for contact and belonging.  Each of us in this life has a need for connection whether that is physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional. Studies show that one of the worst things to be done to a person is to isolate them and leave them completely alone. This is because there is an actual need for an individual to connect with another human being, it was just the way we were created. In addition to the need for contact, we each need to feel like we belong. This could mean that we belong to someone or something. People really thrive when they have a sense of belonging. At times this can be a challenge if what they belong to is detrimental to others or to themselves, but belonging is so needed that an individual is willing to belong to anything that they can. This is why it is important to create a safe place for a child to belong. Ideally, this would be with the family. The best way to approach this need as a parent is to offer contact freely and to teach contribution to encourage a sense of belonging. 

The second need is the need for power. Everyone has the need to feel in control to a certain degree of their lives. This can backfire if the need for power is being denied. It can result in rebellion or reckless and controlling behavior. It is the job of the parent to help their children learn to feel powerful in the ways that they can. Encouragement and love are key to helping someone feel that they do have control over some aspects of their life. A great way to help meet this need is to teach choices and consequences which then lead to a responsibility that the child can undertake.

The third need is the need for protection. It is crucial for each individual to feel protected. When someone does not feel protected it is easy to lash out in an attempt to protect oneself. This is where we can see that bullying comes into play. If a child does not feel protected, they will most likely act on those negative feelings by trying to scare others to help them feel safer in their environment where they do not feel protected. A way to combat this is to teach assertiveness and forgiveness. 

The fourth need is the need for withdrawal. We each face difficult things in life and sometimes when it's too much we want to avoid it completely and withdraw from it. Withdrawal is not a bad thing, but it needs to be done in moderation and have an end to it. When not addressed well individuals will learn avoidance in which they will never understand how to overcome difficult things. A tactic to use withdrawal the right way is to take a break when the load is too much and then get right back at it after a window of time to breathe. 

The last need is the need for a challenge. Without challenges in our lives, there wouldn't seem to be much point to anything. Challenges are what can really shape us if that's what we allow them to do. If we did not have any challenges we would never learn and grow. They are essential to really get anywhere in this life and to achieve true happiness. It is sometimes hard to let our loved ones experience challenges but in the end, it is much more harmful to take those challenges away from them. As parents, it is good to encourage and allow healthy skill-building. 

I found this approach to be profound. It is sometimes the simplest things that make the biggest differences with parenting.